Randomness

Sometimes I really like Facebook. Every once in a while, my feed will be full of pictures of friends having fun, heartfelt posts and messages, possibly even news articles that restore my faith in humanity little by little. Other times, it can be downright depressing or confusing. 

Life has been an interesting paradox for me the past few years. I've done a pretty good job of walling myself off emotionally to everyone around me, but I've never stopped caring. When I see people on Facebook, I genuinely care about how they're doing and where their lives have taken them, but, for one reason or another, I am not in a place where I could ever contact them about it. Sometimes it's an old friend. Others, a member of my father's church. An ex-girlfriend tucked away inside the frame of another friend's photo. 

I care, I really do, I just can't act upon those feelings. Whether realistic or self-perceived, there are barriers preventing me from being the carer I'd truly like to be. Some of the reasons are practical, some silly, and others selfish. Wouldn't it be great to live in a world where none of that was necessary, where we could each just share how we're feeling with anyone, at any time, with no fear of negative repercussions.

I'm not a fool: I know most of this is self inflicted and I really want to get better at it. After so long though, it seems just so hard to figure out where to start. I suppose all I can do is put one foot in front of the other and eventually, see where it takes me on this great journey we call life.

On Purpose

Purpose. Such a funny word. It can be both meaningless and hold extreme gravity given the context it is used in. Much like a thought. Or a blog.

It has been about a week since my last post. Some of the delay was intentional. Admittedly, a small part was also about laziness. I really want to stick to my original plan of daily(ish) blog posts. I also want them to contain substance. Brief snippets, random slots, and daily recaps are nice, but they don't really promote much growth. With all that in mind, I have decided on a different format.

Five days of the week I will put out short posts. This will likely be recaps or presentations of small thoughts I have had during the day. Twice a week, probably on my days off or the eves thereof, I will put out a larger post containing some deeper thoughts on things I have been pondering for a while or on my emotional state. Going forward, I am pretty excited about what this blog could be for me. If you are reading, thanks again for both caring and being awesome.

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I'll Make a Title.... Eventually

I have noticed my tendency to procrastinate leaking into my blogging. I enjoy putting it off until the end of the day so as to be able to reflect on the happenings. While that is not entirely a bad idea, it limits the amount of mental energy and effort I can put into the posts. The past few nights I have had some pretty good things come up but then became to tired to write a post. I don't like that so I'm going to try and mix it up a little so as to get better posting in. Probably not tomorrow morning because it's already late, but soon, I will have a better blogging schedule. Look forward to it. ;-)

Brevity is a gift... right?

Well, another late one due to poor sleep yesterday and a mistimed nap today. Sleep has actually been going very well as of late. I'm sleeping a bit more and it is a lot more regular as far as going to bed and getting up. I suppose having a regular schedule at work helps.

Anyway, I guess it's now officially Easter which is always a great day. That's all I got for now. Maybe I'll try to make tomorrow (tonight's really) a bit longer to compensate. I do have some big posts I wanna do but I am still finalizing all my thoughts. Good night friends. :-)

On Work

I fear tonight's blog is quite late and will be a little short. I was up at 6 to do an audit at another store and then had to work my regular closing shift. Needless to say, it's been a long day. However, good things can often happen in the midst of busyness if we just slow down and breathe.

Today the area manager was at our store interviewing new manager candidates. When we bumped into each other, she praised me on the job I had been recently trained to do and was "rocking" in her words. I then had several coworkers ask me why I didn't apply for the position and just encouraging me in my job performance and people skills. It's nice to know people notice the hard work I put in and everything I do behind the scenes because there are some days I honestly feel overlooked. Encouragement can come from the strangest of places, but it's always when we need it most. So yes, I'm tired tonight, but I'm also thankful for all the affirmation I received today and looking forward to whatever work tomorrow has in store.

On Failure

So, I didn't accomplish everything I set out to do today. You know what though: It's okay. Sometimes we get so hard on ourselves when things don't go exactly how we had planned. So many resolutions (New Years or otherwise) are broken the first or second time someone slips up. We are human. It's bound to happen. As long as we learn from the missteps and grow as a result, no shortcoming need be classified a failure. Sure, I left some things undone, but that doesn't mean I can't celebrate all I did accomplish:

1. Washed all my laundry and bedding.
2. Bought a full set of groceries (and quite a few articles of clothing for work) for the first time in over a year.
3. Scheduled a dentist appointment.
4. Got a haircut.
5. Washed, cleaned out, and fueled up my car.
6. Helped my aunt and uncle with their garage door.
7. Re-registered at IWU so I can graduate.

Life's full of good and bad, successes and failures. The good doesn't always outweigh the bad, but in the same turn, the bad doesn't have to rule out the good. So today I choose to celebrate my accomplishments rather than wallow in my missed opportunities. After all, three steps forward and one step back is still movement in the right direction.

p.s Special shout out to whomever checked my last post on a Macbook using Chrome within 30 seconds of me posting. You are appreciated. :-)

New Beginnings

I suppose Spring (though it definitely hasn't felt like it until just recently) always elicits feelings of freshness and change in people. I miss people. I really do. But that is a sentiment for a different time.

I have decided to start new things. I'm closer to thirty than I am to twenty now and it is high time I began acting like it. Today, I signed up for a gym in order to get back into shape where I used to be over a hundred pounds and six years ago. Tomorrow, I'm deep cleaning my apartment and getting past my fear of graduating by reapplying to IWU and registering for classes.

A large part of my challenge will be this blog. I would like to blog every day for at least the next year (internet connection providing). They may be nothing more than my thoughts on the day. They may be my thoughts on life issues. All I know is blogging forces me to be introspective and truly honest with myself: honesty is something I need a lot more of in my life.

So, thank you to anyone who still follows. I appreciate you. I only had 4 posts last year but I had around 60 page views. I even got viewed from Indonesia and Portugal. Who knows why you check up on me, but thank you for caring. I'm looking forward to this next year, even if it is just me talking to myself. :-)