Matty

I am the third of four children in my family. I have an older brother and sister (Michael and Meghan) and a younger sister (Matricia A.K.A Matty). We get along well I suppose, but we aren't that close as a family. There's a lot more behind this than I feel like typing out or putting on the web (ask me if you want to know and I'll happily tell you, just not on here), but suffice it to say we may love each other, but we don't always like each other.

Matty has been the most interesting of the bunch. Mom says that when we were little, I tried to be Matty's best friend. One day, I was trying to be helpful and Matty started crying and told me to go away. Mom says I have teased her ever since. Whatever the reason, I'm not the big brother I should be for Matty.

Matty has had an interesting life the past few years. All of us kids have ADD or ADHD in one capacity or another. Matty can't put things together. All of her actions are disjoint. For this reason, she isn't to happy with my mother (who is the disciplinarian in the family). Matty doesn't understand that her actions have consequences; all she knows is Mom is grounding her for something and it's just not fair.

Matty is also the youngest child, so she has a lot to live up to. We live in a small town and the teachers have (almost) all been there forever and so had us older three in class. Michael was good at sports. Meghan was smart (although lazy and often didn't turn in assignments) and musical. I am probably (in all reality) the smartest and most athletic of my family. I am also fairly musical (Meghan was accepted into the IWU chorale and was going to major in music before she decided to get married and have children instead....) and outgoing. In Matty's eyes (and in her own words) I'm "the perfect older brother who I have to try to live up to. It's just not fair." I also get along much better with my mother and father than she does which reinforces the idea that I'm their favorite in her mind. It's an interesting relationship.

Needless to say, Matty and I aren't on the best of terms. About a year and a half ago, a guy who was dating one of her friends broke up with her. A little later, he said he liked Matty and they started dating. The first girl got mad and started spreading rumors about Matty and then everything just blew up. Matty lost most of her friends. This would be hard on anyone, but Matty isn't as mature as most people her age (a combination of being the youngest child, ADD, and possibly being bipolar) and so she didn't know how to handle it. She made some bad decisions and she's had to pay for them.

She and this boy have been on and off several times. (They're off now and I pray it stays that way). He is not nice to her and their relationship (or whatever they have) is unhealthy. It's hard to see it happening and not be able to do anything. What are you supposed to tell an 18 year old who's "hopelessly in love"? And she's not a logical thinker at all which makes it hard for me to communicate.

I've been feeling convicted about my relationships with my siblings for a while and I've been trying to work through them, but I don't know what to do when I'm so far away. Matty has been accepted to IWU, but can't possibly get the money to come. She's planning on attending a community college near home. I think being away from high school and most of her classmates will be good for her, but I don't think it will be enough. The college environment is better than at home, but it's still not what she needs. Matty needs to be in a safe Christain community. She needs to be surrounded by young women who care about her and invest in her life. She needs someone to loving but clearly tell her she needs to grow up and start facing reality. She needs somewhere she can be a part of; to have friends but also be able to contribute to the group.

In short, IWU would be great for her. It's a real bummer she can't come. I'm not sure how I felt about it (I always have trouble sorting through emotions) but I think I was excited about her possibly coming here. It would give me another chance to be the big brother I'm not. Now that the opportunity is passed, I'm not sure how to proceed. I do plan on continuing to pursue this issue, I'm just not entirely sure how....