In more than one sense of the word. I'd really love to get to bed, but I have a pressure behind my left eye keeping me up. I have to be to work in about 3 hours and I can't get to sleep. Tomorrow/today is gonna be long. It's also a bit late because I'd like to talk about dads.
Two weeks ago I was fortunate to have my parents come visit me. It doesn't happen a lot so I really try and cherish the time I have with them. While they were here, dad and I had the chance to go golfing on two occasions. I'm a grown 24 year old man. I have my own apartment, work my own job, cook my own food, and pay my own bills. Even so, there's not many better feelings than sitting in a golf cart with my dad's arm around me. It makes life better to know there's someone there for me, someone who cares about me, knows me, and would do anything for me.
It's not been the greatest past few weeks so having him here made things a bit better. He was able to come to work and meet some of my coworkers. He helped clean and fix my car. This morning, I walked outside to find a small box at my door. Inside was some trail mix, a universal tool, and a recipe box. Tucked inside the box was a message from my dad. He talked about the visit and about the family reunion that's coming up, but he also encouraged me. In his short, deliberate message, he said he was proud of me and he believes I'm a good man. I couldn't help but smile because I know it's all his fault.
I am my father's son and happily so. Sure, not everything I've gotten from him is the best, but he's still my dad and my hero. I have an inferiority complex and weight issues. I will likely get some form of cancer in my lifetime. I will probably contract diabetes. I already have arthritis in my knees. These are the genetics I have inherited from my dad, but the things he has taught me far outweigh the negatives. I work hard because I've seen my dad at work. I'm kind because I've seen the way my dad treats others. I am patient, because he had to be to raise us kids. I am smart because I wanted to make him proud. I play sports because that was some of the best time I ever had with him. I sing because he taught me how every Sunday for the first 19 years of my life. I love God because my father introduced me to him at a young age. I am able to function on my own because my dad took the time to teach me what was really important in life. I know how to treat others because I've seen how my dad loves his wife.
John Eldredge has written many books about the importance of a having a great father. We need to be loved and validated by a man in our life. Every time I read his books I am thankful for the man I am able to call dad. However, I am also intrigued by Eldredge's belief (and one I share as well) that this man need not be related to us. Any man can be a father, regardless of whether or not he has kids. God has instilled in man something of Himself that women just cannot offer a child (and vice versa). As I think about my life and the future as I see it, I want to be the kind of man that is a father to many.
Some of my favorite fictional characters are these father figures. Two at the top of the list are Jonathan Kent and Uncle Ben. Neither of these men have kids of their own and yet, through one event or another, they are thrust into the roll of fatherhood. They don't always get it right, they make plenty of mistakes, but their success can be seen in the action of their sons. Superman and Spiderman do many amazing things, but it all starts with the wisdom and guidance their "fathers" provided them.
Another great father figure is Will Schuester from the t.v. show Glee. I really like Glee. I think the music is well done and the messages (albeit cheesy and over the top at times) are good ones to learn. One of my all-time favorite episodes is the finale of season 1. The Glee club has lost the regional competition and is being forced to disband. The students call Will into the auditorium so they can pay their respects. Each of them goes around and shares why they are thankful to have been in Glee club. Sure, some of the reasons are silly ("I had never kissed a girl" "I was just a dumb football player"), but they all show the positive impact a male role model can play on children's lives. It's messages and examples like this that sometimes make me think I should be a teacher.
I really like kids and, call me naive, but I'd love to be the kind of teacher who got to invest in kids like that. Probably my favorite teacher in high school was one of the toughest I ever had. His classes were hard, the only place I had ever needed to apply myself. I saw him yell at students, I saw him get upset over late assignments, and I saw him refuse to accept less than our best. But I also saw him get to school at 5:30 every morning just in case any students needed to talk or have questions answered. I saw him leave the school late every night because he was busy grading and giving truly constructive feedback. I saw him (albeit sarcastically and sometimes over the head of most students) praising truly great work and encouraging the entire class to be better. I saw him in wrestling practice helping those teammates who were falling behind the grueling pace of our ex-marine head coach. I saw him encouraging participants when all our coach would do is yell and curse. Sure, he taught me calculus and trigonometry, but he also taught me how to survive in the world after high school, he reminded me to never settle for less than my best, and he showed me how to make sacrifices for those who really needed help.
As the prospect of getting married and having kids of my own drifts further and further away, I am encouraged by all of the father figures in my life. My biological father is a great man and I can think of no better father in the world. Mr. Bruce invested in me and first showed me how to care for children that weren't my own. Men like Jared and Brandon constantly earn my respect as they continue to raise their adopted sons. Over and over again I am encouraged in the fact that my chance to be a father is never truly gone. I'm not saying I have a lot to offer or that I'm worthy of being put in that role, but this is a strong desire of my heart and I am convinced God has put it there for a reason. In this time of loneliness and uncertainty, I'm given a brief glimmer of hope and a small sense of direction. A single grain of rice can tip the scale. Even the tiniest hint of wind can start a whirlwind of change.
It is small, but it is something.
No comments:
Post a Comment