Written Word

It's something I really appreciate. It's good to be able to go back and see your thoughts and intentions in a tangible form. I don't know about you guys, but oftentimes Satan likes to attack my intentions. When things fall through or don't go according to plan, the devil likes to tell me that I was pursuing it incorrectly. And all to often, I believe him.

This semester has seen a lot of wrestling back and forth for me. These past couple of weeks I've just really come under attack about my relationship with Emily. Before we started dating and even before we were friends, I was very intentional about seeking God's will. I had just gotten out of a relationship that I knew I wasn't ready for. Why should I have been ready then? I thought I liked someone else at the time. Was I sure this was from God?

I went forward with the friendship and relationship only after I was sure it was within God's will. However, when things fell through, it caused me to question if it really were God's plan or if I had interpreted it for my own desires. This train of though led to a lot of sadness and uncertainty. I was praying about it and trying to give it up to God, but it was hard.

A few days ago I was going through my Facebook clearing things out and I came across some emails I had sent to Kate Cook concerning my friendship and pursuit of Emily. It was really cool to see where I was coming from. God used those messages just to soothe my soul.

Even when we pursue something with Godly intentions, it doesn't always work out. Sometimes God just needs us to wait a little longer. Sometimes we need to be removed from the situation for a little while to fully appreciate God's gift to us. And other times, we're only meant to be in that situation for a time and then move on. It's hard not knowing which situation you're in, but it's definitely an exercise in faith.

I don't know God's plans. I wish I did, but I don't. I may never know what they are. But, I'm not meant to know. I'm meant to follow, obey, and give thanks in all circumstances. It's still been difficult, but my soul is more at ease.