More to Come

I haven't blogged in a very long time. So much has happened and yet, nothing at all. Life's been weird. That's about the only way I can describe it. I need to write more, but now I need to finish a group paper due in 4 hours. Just wanted to check in (and maybe delay the project). More to come soon, I promise for real this time. :-)

Break

Life has been a rush of late. A rush to finish work. A rush to say good bye. A rush to finish assignments. Things are finally going to settle down a little. I'm really excited to return to blogging. I have a ton of stuff going around in my head that I need to get out. Unfortunately, it's not quite time yet. Hopefully tomorrow or Wednesday night will be good.

Grades are in. It's bad news bears. :-(

Friends

There's a whole lot going on in life right now that I may or may not eventually get around to blogging about. Right now, I just wanted to post about something I've been thinking about for a week or two.

I'm really thankful for the friends God has given me. They are nicer to me than I deserve and they constantly bless my life. Furthermore, they are all different and provide different perspectives that I need in my life. A lot of them are in different groups, so I've just mentioned them in their primary roles in my life. Here's the groups I have at the moment:

My old friends. These people grew up with and helped form me. We have all sorts of stories to share together. This was back at a time when life wasn't serious and the biggest worry was getting grounded if mom found out we jumped off the roof. These people made Jr. High and High school bearable fun. Most of them are married and away from home now, but I still care about them and they me. Aaron, Kyle, Taya, Kaity, Will, Jason, J.C, Jared, and Jake, thank you.

My older friends. These people have lived a lot longer (okay, that's probably a little bit of an exaggeration) and are much wiser than I am (this is definitely true; no hyperbole here). A lot of times, when I have problems, it is good to hang out with my friends and talk it out. However, most of my friends are in the same stage of life I am; we have a very limited perspective. My older friends have been in college, so they can empathize, but they have also been beyond. Some are married and have kids, others have struggled through relationships, just like I have. Their forward looking perspective is helpful when all I can do is get caught up in the moment. Jared, Candice, Nate, Shawna, and Jonathan, thanks for putting up with a youngster like me and sharing your wisdom, even when I don't want to hear it.

My guy friends. These guys are my core support. When I need help, I know they are there for me. We've laughed together a lot. We've mourned together. We've given advice, company, homework help, back rubs, and just about everything in between. My life would be bland without these people in my life. I am constantly challenged by the relationships they are in and their most important relationship with God. It's taken a while for me to open up with them, but I have never been disappointed by their reactions. Never have I felt any condemnation from them. At the same time, they are really good at telling me when I'm acting like an idiot. Kyle, Ben, Jake, Nick, Chris, Erik, Gabe, Andrew, Wes, and Will, you're all great and deeply appreciated.

My lady friends. It's good to talk about things with guys. However, that only provides me with half of the story. Whenever we talk about girl troubles (which has happened quite a bit lately), we tend to arrive at a place where one of us says, "Women." and the rest of us just nod our heads. Usually we are justified, but often we are just making unfair statements because we can't comprehend the fairer sex's motives. Ladies provide prospective into a world I know I will never understand. They are also really good listeners and tend to empathize better than my guy friends can. At least in most cases. And they are all pretty. That's a plus I suppose. Anne, Kyla, Bethany, Emily, Evelyn, Becca, Rachel, Jennifer, Jen, Brittany, Kayla, and Megan, thanks for putting up with me and teaching me about the other walk of life. I would be a very unbalanced individual without your influences.

So yeah. I'm sure there's more I've forgotten, but these people have just been at the forefront of my mind for a while. Thanks to everyone who's been in my life. God has used you in ways you (and probably I) will never know. You are all amazing.

Written Word

It's something I really appreciate. It's good to be able to go back and see your thoughts and intentions in a tangible form. I don't know about you guys, but oftentimes Satan likes to attack my intentions. When things fall through or don't go according to plan, the devil likes to tell me that I was pursuing it incorrectly. And all to often, I believe him.

This semester has seen a lot of wrestling back and forth for me. These past couple of weeks I've just really come under attack about my relationship with Emily. Before we started dating and even before we were friends, I was very intentional about seeking God's will. I had just gotten out of a relationship that I knew I wasn't ready for. Why should I have been ready then? I thought I liked someone else at the time. Was I sure this was from God?

I went forward with the friendship and relationship only after I was sure it was within God's will. However, when things fell through, it caused me to question if it really were God's plan or if I had interpreted it for my own desires. This train of though led to a lot of sadness and uncertainty. I was praying about it and trying to give it up to God, but it was hard.

A few days ago I was going through my Facebook clearing things out and I came across some emails I had sent to Kate Cook concerning my friendship and pursuit of Emily. It was really cool to see where I was coming from. God used those messages just to soothe my soul.

Even when we pursue something with Godly intentions, it doesn't always work out. Sometimes God just needs us to wait a little longer. Sometimes we need to be removed from the situation for a little while to fully appreciate God's gift to us. And other times, we're only meant to be in that situation for a time and then move on. It's hard not knowing which situation you're in, but it's definitely an exercise in faith.

I don't know God's plans. I wish I did, but I don't. I may never know what they are. But, I'm not meant to know. I'm meant to follow, obey, and give thanks in all circumstances. It's still been difficult, but my soul is more at ease.

I'm An Uncle

Six times actually. Soon to be seven. No, no. Don't applaud, I had nothing to do with it I assure you. I really like kids a lot and my nieces and nephews are no exceptions. It's kind of hard having them grow up without me, but there's not much I can do about it. Here are some videos my sister-in-law shared recently so I figured I would be a cheesy uncle and pass them on.

These are my four goober nieces. The lady at the far right is my mother:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkZepWcb0jw

(It won't let me embed it because it's a private video. You'll just have to click on the link the old-fashioned way).

This is my oldest nephew. Everyone says he reminds them of me. Not sure why...:

And that's all. Jealous yet?

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." - - NIV

Earlier this week I was reading the daily devo from My Utmost for His Highest. I didn't completely agree with the author's sentiments so I decided to check out the passage for myself. It was out of 1 Thessalonians chapter 3 but I wanted context so I decided to read all of the book. When I finished, I stood justified that I think he used the verse out of context, but that was about it.

Last night, I was having a real rough night. I just had a lot weighing on my heart and mind. After praying for guidance and strength, I opened my bible. Whenever I don't know what I need, I just open to a random spot and start reading. When I opened, I opened to 1 Thessalonians chapter 5. I wanted to flip somewhere else because I had just read it days previous but, I decided to stick with it. I read and nothing popped out. After about another half an hour, I went to bed. Right before I did, I told God I was confused by what He wanted me to learn and ask for guidance and clarity.

This morning as I was teaching my 3rd-5th graders, I was cutting out our Bible verse memory cards. I hadn't really looked ahead so I didn't know what verse it was. Imagine my surprise to read down and find 1 Thessalonians 5:18. I had read the passage three times before I realized the verse was even there.

So today I am humbled. I thank God for His wisdom and pray for strength to be joyful. It's been rough lately, but it just shows me how much I need Him.

"Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live." - - The Message

I need to carry around a quote book.

Some of my friends do and I think it would be a great idea. I just keep forgetting to actually do it. One of the quotes that's been repeated a lot recently has been in small group. The quote is this, "God meets us where we are." It's been a little strange to me, but I'm beginning to grasp the concept.

It first came up in someone's testimony. They talked about their life before Christ. All sorts of stuff, drugs, sex, alcohol, cheating. When he got saved, he felt really convicted about a lot of things. However, he wasn't convicted of them all. He still continued to smoke and chew. This seemed strange to me. How could he call himself a Christian and hold these views? (A little small-minded, I know).

And that's where the quote comes in. He has since felt convicted and kicked both bad habits. However, if, at the time of his conversion, God had called him to give it up, he may have turned back. God doesn't (normally) convict us of all of the sins in our lives at once. He works on us little by little over time.

As I began to grasp this concept, another facet of the phrase was revealed. God meets us where we are... in our circumstances. He uses the things and people around us to minister to us. I've said before that I don't believe in coincidences and this just further boosts my resolve. It actually happened to me just the other day. I was watching an anime (Japanese cartoon... Go ahead, judge if you want...) and the situation was eerily similar to mine at the moment. I won't go into the details right now, just because it would take me revealing my entire semester over the internet. It's not that I mind, I just don't want to type that much. If you'd like to hear about it, just ask me sometime. Anyway, the scene spoke into my life in a way I needed to hear. How big is our God that He can use a cartoon (in a different language) to minister to us?

Suffering

This past weekend my staff went on retreat. It was a good time to escape the realities of life and school to enjoy hanging out with a bunch of really cool guys. We ate like kings. We played tons of sports. We made manly jokes. We hot tub-ed. It was great. On Saturday morning, Nate prepared a devo for us complete with questions to answer. The topic of the devotional was suffering.

There are lots of different types of suffering. Hunger. Thirst. Religious persecution. These are large problems we see on the news all the time. This devo, however, focused on the little sufferings in our lives. These things, while not on as large a scale as the aforementioned struggles, are still important to us in our daily lives. These struggles are the little things God uses to break and then grow us.

It was weird to think of my life experiences like that. I often tend to think, "Well, it's (whatever is going on in my life at the moment that I'm having a hard time with) not as bad as the starving kids in Africa or my resident who doesn't know where the money for school is going to come from. Therefore, I should just man up and get over it." While it's true that I shouldn't mope, it's not a good thing to belittle our daily circumstances.

One of the biggest hardships in my life recently has been breaking up. I was super confused for a long time. I still am to some extent. It is getting much better though. One of the coolest parts about our sufferings is that God uses them to His glory. Oftentimes, we don't get to see His work being done. This does not make our situations any less important.

I've been fortunate to have seen what God has done with my suffering. He's used this to grow me closer to Him. He used the break up to get me hooked up with some wonderful men for our small group. He's allow me to add to my testimony to minister to others. He gave me a chance to interact with some of my residents in ways I never could have before. Instead of sympathizing, I can now empathize.

So yeah, it's tough. It's called suffering for a reason. However, God will use our daily sufferings for His glory if we'll just let Him. What hardships are going on in you right now? How is God using them? Have you given Him control?

So behind...

in a lot of things actually. Mostly school work. That's a bummer. It's been really hard to do work lately. I think a lot of it is because I'm tired. Some of it is because I'm emotional. Whatever the case, I know most of it is because I can't get focused. And, I'm sure there are many reasons for that. However, one of the biggest reasons is because my mind is on other things. So, I'm hoping blogging them out will help me focus more.

I'm way behind on the daily posts. However, I've decided it's time to suspend that rule. First of all, I think you guys will appreciate not having your notifications blown up anymore. Secondly, it is time consuming. Most importantly of all is that I have achieved my goal. I wanted to blog a lot so I would think through things instead of shutting them away. And I have begun to do that. So, now I'm going to be processing things more before they wind up on here. It's a skill I picked up recently from a friend. I'll have a few more for tonight, but then it's off to homework.

Slouch

I've felt really strange the past week and a half, like I've just been floating through life and not really experiencing it. I've had quite a few thoughts going on, but none of them have come to full fruition yet. I'll update them here soon, I'd just like to make a little more progress with them first.

I said slouch because I feel like that's what I've been doing with life right now. So, I've decide to straighten up, in multiple senses. Most of it has to do with disciplining myself in emotional, physical, and academic ways. However, I've noticed that my posture has been getting worse lately so I'm going to be working on that as well. No more slouching.

In case you were keeping track, this post puts me back at even.

For the past few years I've wanted to get a different bible translation. It's not that I don't like the NIV, I just wanted a different perspective. I ended up buying a version of The Message that was on sale because one of the corners was bent. I started reading it and didn't like it at all (I'm not sure where I opened to). I put it down and kind of forgot about it.

Last week, I picked it up again and opened to Psalms and Proverbs. I LOVE Psalms and Proverbs in The Message. I've begun to appreciate the entire translation more, but those two books are definitely my favorite. I didn't have a lot to write about, I just felt like sharing some of my new-found favorite Proverbs with you. I hope you enjoy them:

15:15 "A miserable heart means a miserable life; a cheerful heart fills the day with song." (Perspective)

15:20 "Intelligent children make their parents proud; lazy students embarrass their parents." (Oopsies...)

15:32 "An undisciplined, self-willed life is puny; an obedient, God-willed life is spacious." (Stop calling me out Solomon, I'm really not appreciating it right now.)

16: 1-3 "Mortals make elaborate plans, but God has the last word. Humans are satisfied with whatever looks good; God probes for what is good. Put God in charge of your work, then what you've planned will take place." (Grrrr....)

16:9 "We plan the way we want to live, but only God makes us able to live it." (Dependence huh?)

16:20 "It pays to take life seriously; things work out when you trust in God." (Sensing a theme yet?)

There's so many more I could share, but I don't want to take up your whole day. In essence, God has been speaking to me in a variety of different ways. I'm glad I'm looking, I just need to start listening. I'm thankful that He cares about me enough to keep talking.

12 guys... 1 room.... God moves.

Small group tonight was wonderful. It's wonderful every time I go. I'm not sure why I'm even surprised tonight. In the beginning, we go over the testimony of any new members. God really moves through those testimonies. Your story is powerful, even if you don't think it is.

After testimonies, we go through a book chapter of the Bible. This semester we decided to read Romans. It has been phenomenal. Tonight we were in chapter 6 where Paul talks about abandoning freedom and becoming slaves to obedience in Christ. It is such a weird concept to us. I think Andy summarized it nicely:

"When we're 'free', we tend to make choices that hurt us. When we submit ourselves to the slavery of obedience in Christ, we free ourselves from the pain caused by making bad decisions. Because the 'slavery' puts boundaries in place, we remove the chance for us to hurt ourselves." What a great perspective.

After that, we spend about an hour talking about prayer requests and praises and then lifting them to God. I always feel so much better when I leave our gathering. I am SOOOOOOOO thankful for this opportunity that my loving Father has given me.

Friends in relationships.

I've been having a little bit of a hard time lately being able to rejoice with my friends in their relationships. I have four or five friends that started dating about the same time Emily and I did. It's really good to see them all together and to see their love (or like, however they are most comfortable describing it) displayed on Facebook. It's also been good to see two of the guys on staff with me get engaged. However, I often catch myself becoming bitter towards them. And I never want to do that.

First of all, I know they are not doing it intentionally. None of them come up to me and rub their relationship in my face. Second of all, I am genuinely happy for them. It's good to see how God is moving in their lives, both individually and as couples. It also does my heart good to see my friends happy. It's just so hard sometimes to remember to be joyful for others, even as we lament our own situation.

Which brings up another good point. My teacher in marriage and family pointed out something that I knew before but lost somewhere along the way. Dating (and marriage) is a gift from God. That doesn't mean singleness isn't as well. There are things God can do through us while we're single that He can't (well, as easily I guess) do through us if we're dating. There are also things that must be learned as a single person.

So, I'll try to be better about it. It's just tough sometimes. So Mike, Bethany, Evelyn, Aaron, Aaron, Gabe, Felicia, Andrew, Jana, Dan, Erin, and Becca: I really am happy for all of you. I'm sorry if I've ever made you think otherwise. It's good for me to see you happy in relationships, even while it's hard at times. Thank you for letting me rejoice with you. And also, thank you to those of you who have sat and cried with me. It means a lot to be with a body of believers and friends like you.

Haha, I started crying as I typed this.

Nathan Milner

is my boss... among other things. A great guy is one of those things. As is a Canadian. Last Monday was Canadian Thanksgiving. He wanted to celebrate it with us. It was fantastic. Among other things, it made me feel a little bad. I've been really whiny lately. Some would say justifiably so, but it still doesn't sit right. So, I wanted to make a list of things I'm thankful for this year. I need visual reminders sometimes.

1. I've been able to attend school at IWU debt free.
2. I have great professors who care about me as a person.
3. I have a lot of great friends.
4. My car (though it may be old) is a reliable form of transportation.
5. My health has been near perfect.
6. God has cared enough about me to draw me closer to Him.
7. I now own a guitar and I'm getting better at playing every day.
8. I have two parents who love me very much.
9. I've been able to play a full contact sport for the first time in 4 years.
10. God lead me out of an unhealthy relationship.
11. God gave me an incredible, 5 month relationship with a beautiful woman of God and used it (as well as the breakup, painful though it has been) to teach me more than at any other time in my life (obviously this is not the same relationship that was talked about in 10).
12. I've been able to join a small accountability/bible study group of men.
13. I have an adult mentor. :-)
14. I've been able to open up and be honest about myself.
15. I have fantastic residents.
16. God has furthered my vision of my life calling.
17. I've been able to overcome most of my inferiority issues.
18. My grades really haven't been that bad.
19. I get to teach 10 - 20 amazing kids about Jesus every Sunday.
20. I finally am a part of a church again, not just a church-goer.
21. I have a wonderful aunt and uncle five minutes off-campus who love me very much and treat me better than I deserve.
22. It's only October... He's not done yet.

There's a lot more, but I don't want to bore you. Also, I need to go on a round and then it's time for small group. I think this post is much more for me than for any of you. However, I would challenge each of you to make your own list. It never hurts to praise God for the wonderful things He's gifted us with. Indeed, it is right that we should do so.

Ryan Reynolds

I'm still not sure how I feel about him. I did, however, enjoy his latest movie "Green Lantern." Again, without giving away anything important, an alien race harnessed the most powerful force in the universe: Will. Will's power was harnessed into (I think it was 3600) rings. These rings, using the power of Will, are able to create anything their chosen wearers can imagine. The stronger the wielder's will, the stronger the construct becomes.

As in all hero movies, comics, books, etc... there is of course an opposing force. Fear (makes a lot of sense doesn't it?). At a particular point in the movie, our hero is inches from being destroyed by fear incarnate. The only thing standing between them is a shield of pure will. So how does the villain try to destroy our hero? By causing him to doubt himself (fear that he's not good enough). It seems to be working well. However, just inches from death, our hero begins reciting the creed of the Corp (the group of ring wearers is called the Green Lantern Corp). As he's reciting the creed, he finds new strength and drives fear back.

How true is this as Christians? I think one of Satan's biggest ploys is to isolate us. If he can separate us from our support, he can destroy us or, in the very least, incapacitate us. We are fortunate to have ammunition similar to that of Reynolds' character. The Apostle's Creed immediately comes to mind. And this ammunition helps us for several reasons. I'd like to go into two.

The first is that it firms our resolve, strengthens our will. In the act of reciting what we believe, we are reminded of our purpose. Secondly, it reminds us we're not alone. Those saints who have come before us and all believers who will come after all join in the same faith. There is power in words and even more power in a shared statement of faith. So, the next time you feel alone and incapable, find something (the Apostle's Creed is a good start, but there are many other great statements out there) to verbally remind you that you're wrong. All believers are connected by our Heavenly Father. No matter what lies you're told, this will always be true.

More than meets the eye.

You may say what you want, but I enjoy the Transformers movies. All three of them in fact. I may not agree with the choice of characters (both of the female leads) nor some of the actions contained within the movies (especially the unnecessarily gratuitous amount of sexual innuendos in the second film), but they do entertain me and cause me to think. It doesn't hurt that they scratch a nostalgic itch as well... I could probably say something about each of the films, but I most recently watched the third movie so that is what I will speak from (I'll try my best to avoid all spoilers for those who have not seen the films and would still like to).

So, how to set this up without ruining it for anyone. As you could guess if you've seen any of the movies, the Autobots (the good guys) and the Decepticons (the bad guys) are once again at war on Earth. One thing leads to another and things aren't looking so good for the humans. In their desperation, they make a decision concerning the Autobots. Optimus Prime (the leader of the Autobots) knows the humans made the wrong decision, but he follows it anyway.

I think God does this with us sometimes. When we're angry or confused, we often make decisions, decisions that are terrible for us. And God (in His love for us) lets us make those choices. He steps back and lets us decide. It sometimes seems strange that this can be true. If He loved us, He would protect us, right? First of all, to not do this would take away our free will, thereby jeopardizing a loving relationship with us. But, there is a second reason as well.

Unfortunately (as I've been learning a lot lately), sometimes loving us means letting us make the wrong decision. We need to see that, contrary to our belief, we don't know what's best for us. We learn from mistakes and from heart ache. Indeed, the school of hard knocks is the oldest in existence and (arguably) has the highest learning rate out there.

The important part of it all is this: once we've learned our lesson, we discover God never really left us. He watched us make the bad choice, but He never abandoned us and, when we ask for help, He's more than willing to throw His limitless power behind us. Could we ask for a greater God?

If you want to see the clip I'm talking about, you can find it here. The particular part I'm referring to starts around the 1:45 mark.

Culture, from a Christian perspective.

A lot of non-Christians I know complain that choosing to believe in God has no benefits (obviously, it's hard to point out what the benefits actually are unless they acknowledge the existence of Heaven and Hell). So, it's something I tend to think about intermittently. The other day I was watching a movie and I think I found another reason. Being a Christian allows us to enjoy movies (and books or really any work of fiction) on an entirely different level then non-Christians.

For example, J.R.R Tolkien's books (and the movies based on them) are some of the most critically acclaimed works of fiction in our present time. As a human being, I can enjoy them on the same level as everyone else. As a Christian, I get to experience a whole new level of enjoyment. I just recently finished a devotional book entitled "Walking with Frodo." The book used passages and experiences from Tolkien's works to teach us something about our Christian lives. How cool is that? John Eldridge, one of my new favorite authors, veritably douses his works with liberal amounts of fiction.

I know the examples I just provided were Christian ones, but, I think this principle can be extended to all works of fiction. I have two such examples I would like to share with you.... In separate posts...

I think some of my friends may be ghosts.

One downside about having so few Facebook friends is that I think I've become paranoid about the number. The other day I was on and I had one more friend than I did the previous night. There was no notification saying I had friended someone and, when I looked at the list, I didn't see anyone I didn't recognize. So, I thought nothing of it. Today, the number mysteriously dropped. I checked again and I didn't see any people missing from the previous list.

So, either I'm having imaginary friends or Facebook is making mistakes. However, we all know that the Internet (it's capitalized for a reason) and everything posted to the Internet is infallibly true. Therefore, we can assume the second proposition is false leading me to believe I'm making up friends. Yet, this leads to a contradiction because I know for a fact I'm not making anything up.

Therefore, I'm lead to the conclusion that my friends are either ghosts or ninjas. On the one hand, it would be nice to meet Bruce Willis. On the other, I don't want to be assassinated by one of my ninja friends if they get angry at me. Whoever you are mystery person, I will get to the bottom of this.

I thought girls were supposed to be the moody ones.

It's funny how fickle we can be as humans. Whether it comes from God or Satan, I'm not sure (I think it can come from both, it just depends on the circumstances), there are things that can instantly change our attitude. Yesterday, I had a ton of fun with lots of friends at the MAC (Mathematical Academic Consortium) game night. Afterwards, I hung out with some of the guys on my floor. We decided to take a random trip to Kokomo at 1 in the morning to get donuts. They weren't as good as everyone claimed (maybe I'm just to loyal to Karmel McKnuts), but the bonding time was well worth the trip. The extrovert inside of me was ecstatic and it was good to get my mind off of the things that have been bringing me down lately.

Today was pretty good. I successfully evaded homework for five hours, went to Starbucks with Chris to do said homework and got quite a bit done, went to Applebees with one of my friends who graduated and now attends P.T school in Indy, and then played Magic (the Gathering) with Chris and Nick (and won best 2 of 3).

I've been in a pretty good mood. A lot of it had to do with all of the friend time I've had lately, but a good portion has also been because of my re-commitment to my daily, intentional relationship with God. It took about twenty seconds of logging into Facebook to shatter my entire day. It wasn't a bad thing, it wasn't even an intentional thing, but the first thing I saw shattered my resolve.

And that's where I'm confused. I immediately want to say it's the devil. The devil likes it when we're sad, angry, and confused. It very well could have been Satan's attempt to discourage me (and it worked pretty well if it was). However, it very easily could have been God as well. God likes it when we're happy, but He is a jealous God. This easily could have been to show me that I'm still not as reliant on Him as I need to be, that I'm still too concerned about my value to others instead of to Him. Maybe He's challenging me and letting me know (in a not so subtle way) that I still need to depend on Him for my strength daily.

Whatever the reason and Whomever it was from, I'm kind of glad it happened. I'm sad, confused, and hurting, but I'm getting ready to take it to God. So, if it was you Satan, sorry (not really), but your plan backfired. You wanted to draw me into isolation and loneliness, but you only sent me running right back to God's arms. And if it was you God, I'm sorry for being a bad listener and a bad learner. Thank you for caring about me enough to not only break me, but to pick me up afterwards.

I've been thinking about a lot of things to blog about. I wish I had done that before I got on Facebook because now I'm not feeling up to it. But, I know I will be soon, with God's help. So goodbye for now, I promise to come back soon. Prayers would be appreciated regardless. You're all great. :-)

Can I get an interpreter up in here?

Recently I've found that I'm good at interpreting God the way I want to. It has come up several times, but I have one example that better explains than the rest. Earlier this semester, I had decided God didn't want me to play rugby. I was a little sad (I do like rugby a lot) but I got over it quickly. Well, at least I thought I did.

People kept bringing it up to me and every time I answered, it didn't feel right. I told them God was showing me that I was involved in a lot of things and it was easy for me to get distracted from what was truly important. Therefore, I needed to quit something in order to stay better balanced. The last thing I added to my plate was rugby: it should be the first to go. That much is true, I heard that from God, but I interpreted it to fit what I wanted.

When I told people, my "not right" feeling was guilt. I don't think we should ever feel guilty for doing God's will, no matter how unpopular it makes us. So, I began to reexamine myself. One of the reasons I had brought up was that I was so busy and didn't have time for one more activity. I was reading through some of my past entries and I saw one where I posted that I had too much free time on my hands and that was bad for me. Now, how could I be too busy yet have too much free time? Someone else pointed that out to me a little while later.

So I began to search and see why I didn't want to play rugby. I came up with two reasons:

1. I hate the discipline required. I know it's important to be healthy and exercise. I know going to practice, even though it's not as fun as a game, is an important part of success. But I don't like discipline.

2. I feared the accountability of the other guys. The team has been very intentional about producing an atmosphere of brotherhood and accountability amongst ourselves. I didn't like the thought of having to answer and get close to so many other people.

And then I just laughed at myself. These are two things God has been speaking to me about for a while now. So yes, He was warning me that I easily lose myself in my activities and forget what is most important (i.e my relationship with Him). So I need to be conscious of how I spend my time and what I focus on the most. But that shouldn't stop me from playing.

This has been a good reminder for me about listening for God's will. Listening, without interjecting my own thoughts and opinions. God knows what I'm thinking and He knows what I desire. Some of those desires are good: He put them there. But some of them are human and selfish. I need to believe He knows what I need and, in time, will show me those needs as well. He wants to give me good gifts, I just don't always see them that way. But I will. It just takes a little time.