It's funny how fickle we can be as humans. Whether it comes from God or Satan, I'm not sure (I think it can come from both, it just depends on the circumstances), there are things that can instantly change our attitude. Yesterday, I had a ton of fun with lots of friends at the MAC (Mathematical Academic Consortium) game night. Afterwards, I hung out with some of the guys on my floor. We decided to take a random trip to Kokomo at 1 in the morning to get donuts. They weren't as good as everyone claimed (maybe I'm just to loyal to Karmel McKnuts), but the bonding time was well worth the trip. The extrovert inside of me was ecstatic and it was good to get my mind off of the things that have been bringing me down lately.
Today was pretty good. I successfully evaded homework for five hours, went to Starbucks with Chris to do said homework and got quite a bit done, went to Applebees with one of my friends who graduated and now attends P.T school in Indy, and then played Magic (the Gathering) with Chris and Nick (and won best 2 of 3).
I've been in a pretty good mood. A lot of it had to do with all of the friend time I've had lately, but a good portion has also been because of my re-commitment to my daily, intentional relationship with God. It took about twenty seconds of logging into Facebook to shatter my entire day. It wasn't a bad thing, it wasn't even an intentional thing, but the first thing I saw shattered my resolve.
And that's where I'm confused. I immediately want to say it's the devil. The devil likes it when we're sad, angry, and confused. It very well could have been Satan's attempt to discourage me (and it worked pretty well if it was). However, it very easily could have been God as well. God likes it when we're happy, but He is a jealous God. This easily could have been to show me that I'm still not as reliant on Him as I need to be, that I'm still too concerned about my value to others instead of to Him. Maybe He's challenging me and letting me know (in a not so subtle way) that I still need to depend on Him for my strength daily.
Whatever the reason and Whomever it was from, I'm kind of glad it happened. I'm sad, confused, and hurting, but I'm getting ready to take it to God. So, if it was you Satan, sorry (not really), but your plan backfired. You wanted to draw me into isolation and loneliness, but you only sent me running right back to God's arms. And if it was you God, I'm sorry for being a bad listener and a bad learner. Thank you for caring about me enough to not only break me, but to pick me up afterwards.
I've been thinking about a lot of things to blog about. I wish I had done that before I got on Facebook because now I'm not feeling up to it. But, I know I will be soon, with God's help. So goodbye for now, I promise to come back soon. Prayers would be appreciated regardless. You're all great. :-)
Recently, I heard someone say something that really stuck with me. He said that our intimacy with God is the one thing that really defeats Satan. Whenever we sin or mess up in any way, our natural response is to avoid God or even run from him. We get down on ourselves because we aren't good enough and we don't deserve his grace. These are the ways that Satan wins. When Adam and Eve sinned in the garden, they hid from God because they were ashamed. We have to be very intentional to pursue God more than ever when we begin to respond negatively.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I don't know if that makes sense but it connected in my mind. You reacted in the right way: when you were down, you didn't give in to Satan (or whatever), you pursued God. What I'm trying to say is: INTIMACY WITH GOD IS GOOD.
The end.