I've talked a lot lately about patience. That's pretty much the biggest thing God has put on my mind and heart the past month. I came to the realization today that I'm really good at interpreting this, I'm really good at explaining it, but I'm super terrible at actually practicing it. I know what I'm supposed to do, I can tell you exactly why I'm supposed to do it, but I can't do it.
And it's not that I'm not trying, I am, it's just my heart isn't in it. I think the biggest reason for that is because it's not fun. It's hard. I don't like hard things. I know they are good for me, but I have a hard time looking past the inconvenience it causes me. And somehow, I'm really surprised that I was surprised by that realization.
In our culture, instant gratification is paramount. It has to feel good and it has to happen now. But I don't think that's it. If God promised He would give me a great job doing XYZ in year 20XX, I think I would be totally happy waiting, even if it were 2050. As long as I had a timeline, I would be okay. So it's not the fact that I have to wait, it's that I don't know how long I'll be waiting. That, to me, is torture.
As I was talking to Wesley today (see post below) I discovered why I might feel that way. Wes has a pretty good knowledge of the Bible (I think he's a Bib. Lit major). He shared with me that, in the Old Testament, the word patience actually means prolonged suffering. Hmm, no wonder I feel tortured. It is through the process of having patience that we become "worthy" of God's gifts for us. It's not going to be easy or fun, but it will always be worth.
Hopefully this time I won't just say it and know it, but actually live it. That's my challenge for the week.
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