Patience vs. Passivity

God has been trying to teach me about patience lately. I thought I was getting the message and doing a great job of it, but several friends called me out last week and I've seen just how wrong I've been. Those of you that know me (which is all of you I suppose if you're reading this) know that I'm a doer. I like being active and doing things. I tend to have little patience for the planning stages of anything. This plays out interestingly in my relationship with God.

I truly want to follow God. I made that decision a long time ago and I mean(t) it. However, I've realized lately that I want to follow Him on my terms. I'll follow when He tells me what to do. Go on a missions trip? No problem. Be an R.A? Awesome. Help teach Sunday School? Now we're talking. So imagine my surprise when I ask, "What do you have for me now?" only to hear, "Be patient." 

This is completely against my nature. "I have all of these talents and gifts and you just want me to sit here? Aren't these things all going to go to waste? Couldn't I be more useful to You by DOING something?" .... "Be patient." And even that's not so bad. It's just that God's not answering in the way I want to hear. "Be patient... I'm preparing you for something big in November." "Okay, cool. I can wait until then. Thanks God." It doesn't work out that way. I get "Be patient." No timeline. No further instructions. No insight into the plan. Just, "Patience." 

So the past couple weeks I've been patient. Or so I thought. You see, patience is still action. To not act at all is to be passive or apathetic (two things I often struggle with in times of patience). Being patient means constantly asking God what His will is. More than likely, His answer will continue to be the same. However, only He knows the master schedule and when I'm going to be called into action. If I remain passive, I forget to seek His will and risk missing the call. 

And so I've pledged to do better in two ways:

1. I'm going to keep pestering God. (He's not actually going to get annoyed with me, but I like the analogy). I'm going to daily, perhaps even multiple times a day, approach His throne and seek His will. But I must remember to do so quietly. God does not speak in the earthquakes or the fire, but in the still, small voice. 

2. I'm going to have a better attitude about waiting. It goes against my human nature, but everything that God calls me to does. For that reason, this day (and every day hence) I will choose to be joyful in the fact that I am in God's will instead of grumbling because I'm in the dark.